Relatable Devastation 

I received a call late last night around midnight as Steve and I laid in bed. It is always a bad sign when your phone rings after 10 pm. I was informed by my friend that our other dear friend had lost her little 3 year old boy earlier in the afternoon. He had been hit by a car and my friend had lost him to this nightmare soon after. My stomach immediately was in knots and I felt sick. I still feel sick.
I feel like I am surrounded by sadness…a constant reminder of my own loss. I had been at home putting my babies to bed, making my kids take baths, making dinner and had no idea that my sweet friend and her husband were facing the tragedy that I had faced, 7 short months ago. It feels too soon for more pain to be in the world. But, it is. There is pain all around. This world is bigger than our own four walls…sadness, heartbreak and devastation are felt by someone in the world at any given moment, even when our little universe feels fine.  

I am not saying that we focus on devastation and negativity all of the time, but I think it puts our lives into perspective. It reminded me, after a hard day, just how lucky I am. I have suffered my own life shattering loss, but I have been able to pick up the pieces and see a bit of hope. I miss Hayes so much. I miss him so painfully much! On nights like tonight I miss him even more, but I also feel incredible gratitude that my boy is happy, running free of cancer. I will see him again and my friend will see her boy again. This is not the end!

Hold your sweet babies close. Motherhood is hard, but it can be swept away so quickly. Live each moment and appreciate every tantrum, every drooling, teething mess…those are gifts that moms of angels recognize. Welcome to the club my beautiful friend….I am so, SO sorry and devastated you are here. 

14 thoughts on “Relatable Devastation 

  1. Rebekah

    Thank you for writing this. It was just the reminder I needed today. My heart breaks for you always, as well as your friend who is experiencing now the same kind of unimaginable pain. I came to work this morning feeling guilt for the “rough” go my son’s and I had last night. I try to be the very best Mom I can be but last night was one of those nights. Knowing that I have healthy boys who are here with me still allowing me to love them means so much to me and voids all the little things they frustrate me with. Hayes and this story continue to put this into perspective for me. Thank you + prayers during this time.

  2. As we’re only halfway through our own cancer treatment for our little guy I read all these sad stories and my heart almost can’t take it anymore.
    Perfect spirits.

  3. Wendy

    I’m so sorry for your friends loss.. I’m sorry it brings back so much emotion… All I can do is pray for comfort of this family and yours. The devastation is too great . Much love sent from Colorado…

  4. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and her loss. So many hard things in this life. I appreciate your comments about the blessing of perspective after losing a child. It is one of the silver linings in all of this.

  5. Annie

    I can’t even imagine. I am terribly sorry for your loss as well as your friends new loss. I just can’t even imagine. I don’t know if you follow or have heard of Baby Boy Bakery? But they too lost their 3 year old son from being hit by a car. I’m sure it’s way too soon but if your friend ever wants to talk to her I’m sure she would be more than willing. The pain I’m sure is indescribable. I will pray for your friend today and always as you and your sweet family are ALWAYS on my mind, in my thoughts & prayers.
    I started following your story right as Hayes was diagnosed. My heart was broken for you & your family. For some reason Hayes really touched my heart and when he did pass I cried, I cried with you and for you. It’s actually making me cry thinking about the night I saw your post. I don’t know if this is okay or even “right” for me to say but I see green orbs quite often in some of my pictures, and always think of him. Also, soon after I was shopping at Target and there was a lamp I bought for my son and it was the Hayes collection. I almost sent you the picture of the tag, but didn’t know if it was appropriate. I never know what the right thing to do is in situations like these. However, I have wanted to send you pictures where there are green orbs, and things that I see that remind me of Hayes even though I never knew him. He has made such a strong impact on my life. I just wanted to share that with you. I hope it’s okay. ❤️

  6. I have followed you through your journey with Hayes, my son is just a little bit older than your kids so it hit really close to home. In the unimaginable, your strengh and honesty made me follow along. Well and those eyes he had, were just so genuine at such a young age. I’m sorry you are reliving it so soon after with a dear friend.
    Sometimes it hard with toddlers and I try to remind myself daily how lucky I am. Thank you for the reminder and thank you for sharing your story and perspective with the world.

  7. rachelnorcal

    Sending all the love in my heart to surround your friend and her family, you and your family… And all of the hurting, grieving hearts in our world. Praying for comfort and peace. Hugs from afar xoxoxo!!!

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