I received a call late last night around midnight as Steve and I laid in bed. It is always a bad sign when your phone rings after 10 pm. I was informed by my friend that our other dear friend had lost her little 3 year old boy earlier in the afternoon. He had been hit by a car and my friend had lost him to this nightmare soon after. My stomach immediately was in knots and I felt sick. I still feel sick.
I feel like I am surrounded by sadness…a constant reminder of my own loss. I had been at home putting my babies to bed, making my kids take baths, making dinner and had no idea that my sweet friend and her husband were facing the tragedy that I had faced, 7 short months ago. It feels too soon for more pain to be in the world. But, it is. There is pain all around. This world is bigger than our own four walls…sadness, heartbreak and devastation are felt by someone in the world at any given moment, even when our little universe feels fine.
I am not saying that we focus on devastation and negativity all of the time, but I think it puts our lives into perspective. It reminded me, after a hard day, just how lucky I am. I have suffered my own life shattering loss, but I have been able to pick up the pieces and see a bit of hope. I miss Hayes so much. I miss him so painfully much! On nights like tonight I miss him even more, but I also feel incredible gratitude that my boy is happy, running free of cancer. I will see him again and my friend will see her boy again. This is not the end!
Hold your sweet babies close. Motherhood is hard, but it can be swept away so quickly. Live each moment and appreciate every tantrum, every drooling, teething mess…those are gifts that moms of angels recognize. Welcome to the club my beautiful friend….I am so, SO sorry and devastated you are here.