Dreaming Big

I remember as a child sitting next to my dad on the couch and watching the Miss America pageant. I was fascinated. The women were beautiful, dressed in sparkly gowns, they were incredibly talented and on top of all of that, they were smart. I am sure he could see the amazement in my eyes and my dad asked me if I wanted to be Miss America. I responded with a shrug and my dad answered the shrug by looking me in the eyes and telling me I could be Miss America if I wanted. He followed it up with, “You can be the president if the United States if you want. There is nothing you can’t do.” He believed it…I had no doubt he believed it, but what I didn’t say out loud was that I doubted both…I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t pretty enough and I definitely wasn’t talented enough. I was probably 6 years old and I didn’t feel enough.

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That internal, doubting voice continued for most of my young life. I grew up painting and drawing. I felt passion in my creative side that I didn’t feel in other areas of my life. I would draw constantly. I never took a lesson but it was something that came naturally. I found confidence in putting what I saw and making it a reality on paper. But then I hit high school and that all too familiar voice pushed its way back into my head, and I quit drawing. Like, completely quit. I haven’t touched a charcoal pencil in years. I told myself that if I wasn’t the best, then no one wanted to see what I could do.

And then I became a mother. I began to see myself as my parents had. It was a slow process, but I definitely started to block out that voice that always wanted me to fail. It was mostly because if you love your children, there is no failing at motherhood. Pretty soon I began to hear a different voice, the voice that told me I am strong and I can do hard things. Which I absolutely believe I can.

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Don’t get me wrong, I know I am not going to be the president of the United States. Not because I am not smart enough, but really, if I am being honest, politics make me want to barf. I am sure secretly, my dad is kind of bummed, but he is more disappointed in the fact that I went against my childhood fascination with beauty pageants. His greatest disappointment is probably that I didn’t walk across a stage in a crown or put my “elbow, elbow, wrist wrist wrist,” wave into action.

I feel like I am crazy enough to know I can do anything I want in life! So what is it I want to do? Going back to basics…the first thing is I want to awaken my creativity. It has been in the dark for a long time. We shall see! If it brings me joy, I am going to pursue it and if I can’t stop thinking about it, which I can’t, I shouldn’t stop working for it. Can’t wait to share my joy and progress in art with you. Here is to dreaming big, whatever those dreams may be.  If you need that daily reminder to go after your dreams, here is a free printable I created to hang on my mirror so that every morning and every night I remember my goals.

dream printableDOWNLOAD dream printable

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4 thoughts on “Dreaming Big

  1. Kaylee says:

    I love this! This year I have found the passion in me to understand people and relationships better. Something I’ve always loved and got my degree in. Will I ever be a therapist? No, because I honestly don’t want to, but it makes me feel alive when I’m learning about it because it’s interesting to me and I LOVE learning new things!
    Good luck with getting in touch with your creative juices again! I’m excited to see more about it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. rachelnorcal says:

    I love (most of) this post!!! Of course, the parts about your self-doubt break my heart though I also recognize the “necessity” (if you can call it that) of your own personal challenges and journey and growth to really BE who you ARE…
    But I am so excited to see where this new/old path takes you as far as your art and creative pursuits. I’ve felt similar urges to explore my creativity (especially in areas I assume I’m not “good” at).
    Watching my second son, Avery (who turns 20 on 3/2) explore & embrace his artistic abilities over the years has been inspiring to me.. and he’s so sweet & encouraging of some of my more recent attempts;) It’s an interesting sort of ego boost to get enthusiastic compliments from your teenaged son…haha!

    Liked by 1 person

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