The past few weeks, I lay my babies down for their daily naps and inevitably, they end up talking to each other under their doors across the halls. At first it is really sweet and then all hell breaks loose and Heath is kicking the door….laying on his back, pounding the door with his feet. Yesterday was another one of those days and I found myself feeling more and more angry with each loud kick of his door….sometimes I just need a break from my kids, I will be honest! So needless to say I was frustrated.

I walked into his room and he had unscrewed the bed-knobs on his bed and filled them with milk from his bottle….yes, he is almost 3 and he still has a bottle. Motherhood fail, but anyway, I was pretty bugged. He had “milked” his bottle nipple and filled those finial holes up with whole milk! I mean what in the literal crap?! He is for sure making my hair go gray.

For a split second, a thought ran through my head and pushed through the anger….I imagined Hayes still here. What would he be doing? All of a sudden it hit me, I wish I could experience naughty Hayes. The Hayes that climbs out of his crib and pulls off his diaper. The Hayes that throws a “terrible 3’s” tantrum. What I wouldn’t give to experience two naughty 3 year old boys feeding off of each other and egging each other on during nap time. That was the difference maker.

I breathed, bent down and grabbed Heath, picked him up and walked into my room to watch a show and cuddle. Once again I was reminded that I absolutely need to feel grateful for the small things. When Heath makes a mess, I need to remember, he gets to make a mess! When he kicks his bedroom door, that will pass. When Reese covers hers and Heath’s cheeks with my makeup, it’s toddler art. When she wakes up crying in the night, I can feel grateful that I get to hear her cry.

We are coming up on a birthday. The babies will be 3….1,096 days old to be exact. Hayes will forever be 633 days old in my mind. As Heath and Reese get a year older, Hayes will continue to be celebrated with them, but rather than getting older with them, he is my forever baby. Heath and Reese will move on to other interests and milestones, but I will continue to celebrate Hayes with Elmo and Daniel Tiger. And that’s ok, because I will continue to feel grateful for the blessings, the tantrums, the fights and the cuddles I get with my babies because it is all a gift!