You know how they say grief is like the ocean? I have hit that point in the waves where I want to run away with my family. I literally day dream about selling all of our valuables and our home and moving to a remote tropical island and living off the land with Steve and my kids. A place where shoes and brushing your hair is completely optional. To get away from the heaviness of the world. Don’t panic, I won’t, because the logical side of me is still very much intact. But, part of me wishes I were that brave because my family feels closest to Hayes near the ocean. It feels like home.

The irony of this being my ultimate dream is that when I was in high school I dreamt of moving to the bustling streets of New York City to maybe become a lawyer. That thought now makes me want to barf. But, then, the thought of always being surrounded by people and the busyness got me excited. Now? Not so much….I like to be with Steve, my kids or to be alone in my thoughts. That is why a quiet, remote beach bungalow sounds so heavenly to me. Age and experience changes you, obviously.

For reals, these thoughts have been forefront in my mind lately. Before, I couldn’t get enough of my dreams of money and career success….now, I don’t want that. Well, that’s not entirely true…I actually like money and I want success but it isn’t my goal. My goals have shifted to hope for my children’s happiness. It is amazing the peace you feel as a mother when your kids are happy.

I read a quote earlier this week and it spoke to me so much. So as we head into the weekend, I hope the sun can shine in your eyes…representing whatever that dream is that you have!

“for her

the ocean

was more

than a dream,

it was a place

she needed to visit

to find herself.

and when she returned

to the city,

you could see the sun

in her eyes, the wind

in her hair, and taste

the infinite salt

on her lips.”

-Jose Chaves

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