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Tate Party of 8

A Mother's Journey After Loss

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Woke feeling completely unmotivated and honestly feeling like quarantine will never end. Not that being at home isn’t the best, but the sadness in the air seems to be heavy. But then Mia sent me this video she made of Reese and I realized, I need to try and be a little more like Reese 👸🏻🦄💕 #quarantinelife

Friday, as I was doing school work with Wes, I opened up his newly picked up school journal and I opened it up to a page that felt as though I was punched in the gut. His last entry before the COVID-19 break was, “If I cood travl in time I would go get my drather Hayes in the hospatl and make him beter and see me when I am little.” I kept the sadness in....didn’t tell Steve and wished to myself the same thing as Wes. Wondering what that would be like to go back in time...could I save him? But I knew, I did everything I could as a mother to make him better. I heard about the first child under 10 to die from the virus last night.....my heart broke. I so wish I could go back in time and save Hayes, and I felt for this babies parents because I have no doubt, tonight as they cry in their homes with regret and earth shattering heartbreak, they wish for that same thing I wish. I know from experience that they wish they could go back to the frustrating nights when their baby was waking up throughout the night. They wish they could go back to the days when their baby was teething and crying on and off all day. They wish they could go back to the boring, mundane regular days of new parenthood. Regardless of cause, when you lose a child, you grieve over those moments. If I could go back in time like Wes wrote about? I would go back to the moments like this video....when Hayes woke up at 9pm and hung out with us on the couch. These seemingly “everyday” moments are what filled my life, what gave me the perspective to recognize the beauty of real life, highs and lows. To those parents that lost a child yesterday...my heart broke a little more for you! I needed that reminder because yesterday was hard....like just LIFE hard! When I read that headline last night about that baby, I remembered how beautiful it was that I had the gift to feel, even to feel the stress and heartache of losing Hayes. He taught me more than I will ever in the future have the opportunity to learn. As we all sit around, bored, frustrated with the quarantine....remember that even the moments we wish would pass quicker? These moments are gifts!

This picture is a flashback to when I visited sweet little Elli and her mom while she was in the heart of her cancer battle. I am doing this flashback because behind every patient, there are the most amazing doctors, nurses and staff, tirelessly working to keep their patients safe, I know first hand. Because of that, I know this picture tells a much bigger story. While I sit in quarantine safe at home, these healthcare providers....nurses, doctors, techs, and all hospital staff are putting their own lives at risk to keep us safe. In this pic I was wearing my @albionfit jetsetters and this weekend, Albion Fit wants to honor healthcare workers by giving away 50 JETSETTERS to doctors and nurses that people nominate. How amazing is that? I seriously love this company! So, do you know someone on the front lines? Nominate them to win some jetsetters of their own! 1.Post about who you are nominating on your stories or Instagram feed 2. tag that person and say why they deserve a pair. 3. tag @albionfit and use the #albionheroes I am nominating @sarajanejohn, @micah.lawrence, @cyearsley, @sunrae30, @chelsiepantelakis, @hayleegillis, @nancypants888....I know I am missing so many of you amazing heroes! Thank you all for risking your own health by continuing to provide medical care to children and families💕 Who is a hero in your life?? #albionathome

Guys we were feeling anxious the first couple of days, but we have really embraced the quarantine life. I walked into my closet this morning and said, “Hmmm, what sweats should I wear today?” I am embracing my eyelashes....aka maybe teeny splinters barely poking through the surface of my eyelid skin. I am embracing my dip-powdered nails that are 3/4 up my nail beds...it’s fine, they are my claws to intimidate my children while being their teacher. And why am I wearing shoes when I have zero intentions of going anywhere you might ask? Because the kids spill water and weird substances all over the floor covertly for my socks to get soggy in...shoes are my only protection from that horror called wet socks. And lastly, I have become so thoroughly engrossed in murder podcasts that Steve is now fully embracing scaring me throughout the day...check out my stories for the proof! Oh! And Clorox wipes? Because duh! #covid19 😭

Today has been great! I blew up probably 3 times, which is a lot better than yesterday 😂 while my three older went for a jog, I made these two do yoga on YouTube. A few people gave me this suggestion last night and so I decided to give it a try. I put it on and Heath and Reese were glued! So, for those wanting to try something different...put on Cosmic Kids Yoga. It was awesome and hilarious! #kidsyoga #quarantinelife

I am sure you all have had that feelings of isolation....feeling like all you can do is sit and wait for this virus to pass. Reality is that for me, after losing Hayes I survived by staying busy, visiting kids in the hospital, planning 5K’s, sending packages, advocating.....all of it healed my heart. This slow down has been hard for me to adjust to mainly because when I am quiet, I feel the pain and have that anxiousness to hurry and get busy so I don’t feel it. All of this to say that I hate the feeling of not having a direct purpose to distract my mind in my days. So today as I aimlessly scrolled I saw a post from a nurse begging for seamstresses to sew masks and send them in because hospitals are running desperately low. All of a sudden I remembered Hayes in his little mask and immediately I felt him tug at my heart like he was telling me once again to act. To be clear, I am not a seamstress, but, I am sure one of you reading this is. I have been told that the CDC recommends masks be sewn with a filter pocket or more technically an N95 mask. So, here is me doing my best to act on the feeling that drives me. If you or someone you know sews, please help. I can collect them or I can pay for shipping. We all are bored so I figure why not🤷🏻‍♀️ #HayesTough #coronashortage

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