I am keeping this post short and sweet today, but I got asked yesterday as I so often do, “How do you stay strong?” I deeply thought it over and wondered. How do I stay strong? I feel like I could shut myself out from the world and everyone would understand. But, I have this inexplicable feeling of love and support from Hayes. He wants me to push through the tears and pain. He wants me to keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing and keep growing. Read More
I recently ran into an old friend at a restaurant. She was celebrating her birthday with her friends and I gave her a celebratory hug. She simply replied that she was just relieved that she was still in her 20’s. It got me thinking…how do I feel about being in my 30’s? How do I feel about aging? How do I feel that my friend basically dreads being my age? Legitimately my stress with aging is disappearing by the hour. Read More
When you become pregnant with triplets, you become part of a select club. There are Facebook groups that “meet” to discuss advice and offer support to the scared new mother of 3 at once. It is so incredibly helpful and I truly found so much great advice from these Mother’s that had walked the path and made it through what I was fearfully facing. They were a huge resource for me.
Hi everyone…I feel like it has been a while since I introduced myself…like really introduced myself. Do you even know who I am? How did you find me?
You know how they say grief is like the ocean? I have hit that point in the waves where I want to run away with my family. I literally day dream about selling all of our valuables and our home and moving to a remote tropical island and living off the land with Steve and my kids. A place where shoes and brushing your hair is completely optional. To get away from the heaviness of the world. Don’t panic, I won’t, because the logical side of me is still very much intact. But, part of me wishes I were that brave because my family feels closest to Hayes near the ocean. It feels like home. Read More
I woke up yesterday feeling blah. A typical Monday morning times 100. I miss Hayes so much sometimes. These down times usually last me an hour or two, but by yesterday afternoon, I realized I was still feeling the funk of my new normal. I sat on the couch, Peppa Pig blasting in the background when all of a sudden, I heard the front door open and Heath taking off down the street in laughter. The babies have been escaping lately and in that moment of hearing his giggles drifting away, I immediately regretted the fact that I hadn’t invested in the chain locks I had been looking at the week prior. And with a frustrated groan I headed after him. Read More
I was cleaning out my basement and organizing the clutter into “keep” or “trash” piles. I had made my way into Mia’s room and the trash pile was getting larger and larger. I added a few notebooks to the pile when I noticed a green “H” sticker on the outside. So I opened it up to find a “Dear Hayes” notebook! I had almost thrown this away. But, in my defense, Mia has a very bad habit of keeping everything she has ever been given, including candy wrappers. She is a hoarder through and through, bless her heart. Read More
It was the end of July, 2016. We had just finished our 28 day stay in the hospital and we were so happy to be home. On a whim, we had decided to take all 6 of our kids up the canyon on a hike….some would most likely call “Silver Lake” an easy mountain walk, but when you are carrying 3 babies, anything is considered a hike! We had all the backpacks and baby wearing gear, along with a freshly filled load of milk for Hayes’ tube. Nothing was getting in the way. We had day dreamed of days like this while being trapped within the 4 gray walls of the hospital. Read More
The cruise was my first ever. Barcelona had been so amazing that I couldn’t imagine anything comparing. We took off and began our trip south. I immediately was taken aback by the rockiness of the boat. But even worse than the rockiness was that we were headed straight for an oncoming cold front. Little droplets of the ocean would hang onto the bitter cold wind and sting my face. Steve and I would have to gear up to cross the outdoor walkway to the restaurants. Every time was a bundle up, hunch down, run to the other side. It was SO cold. But the excitement was tangible. We were headed for the Strait of Gibraltar. Read More
I remember this one particular evening during treatment. I went to the Ronald McDonald Room, a large room on the 3rd floor of Primary Children’s Hospital where food is donated by organizations and restaurants for parents of sick children. Hayes had gone to bed and dinner was being served. I made my way down there so that I could have something besides cafeteria food. You walk into this place and no one is smiling…it is SO depressing. But I was desperate for some non-hospital food so I got my dinner plate and made my way to a long table with 3 other parents sullenly sitting in silence. Read More